1o.19.o9

(literally the worst day of my life)

bittersweet- youre gonna be the death of me,
or at least thats they had me thinking. i realized that ive spent majority of my life avoiding the things that would make me a bad person- which ultimately became my downfall. life isnt meant to be avoided. its like i knew what was right and what was wrong. i tried to be right intentionally and did things wrong by force. not force of man but force of that unseen.
for once in my life i didnt know. i didnt know anything anymore. by far the scariest and worst day of my life. i gave up.

and then i woke up,
these roadblocks that He places before us are not meant to be avoided (because eventually He will put forth another one that may be bigger & worse) -instead they are meant for us to experience and I've realized that my only option is to tear them down.
ive been having dreams of someone trying to kill me. not by blunt force but by motivating self-destruction. everytime i'd tell someone they thought i was crazy- but i knew it was true. i spent a lot of time trying to figure out who this person was. i realized its more than one- a cult.

theres no end to the story, sorry.

damn d.